Why (Adverb): For what reason or purpose.
“Why did he do it?”
Synonyms: how come, for what reason, for what purpose, what for, to what end
Most of you who read my blog and know my story, probably know by now that I try to be as honest and transparent as possible. Writing is one of the things that helped me get through the absolute hardest time of my life thus far. Let’s just take a moment to appreciate the fact that I am THROUGH that season! My heart is healed! Can I get a WOOHOOOOO from the crowd?
Insert happy dance here!!!
Some of you may have heard by now that Frankie and I are taking steps to better our lives, and provide financial security for our family’s future. One of the first steps that was asked of us, is to provide our reason(s) “why”. I’ll get to those in a bit, but first I’d like to take a second and just picture out what the perfect life would look like for me.
When I was 15 years old, I wanted to move to California, go to college and be a famous singer. By the time 17 rolled around, I thought I might like to go to cosmetology school. At 18, I got married.
My dreams were replaced by life. They were pushed to the side, and I lost myself in another person.
By year 33, I was well on my way to being unexpectedly single. If I had to come up with a word of phrase to describe myself at that time, I would say I was completely and utterly destroyed. During those long and trying months, I looked at the word destroy as meaning defeated. Now I can sit here today, looking back and seeing how the destruction transformed me. I find myself thankful even for that season of my life.
1 Thessalonians 5:18- “In all things give thanks to the Lord.”
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in life, that we forget about our dreams. Whether it be debt, working at a job you don’t love, raising a family, divorce, sickness…. I could go on all day about things that distract us from our life’s true purpose. The point is that occasionally the chance at your dreams, it circles back around. If I were to ask you today what you imagine your life would look like a year from now, could you picture it? Would you picture it the same as today? Same old routine, same old job. Working your entire life at a job, to help support someone else’s dream.
If that’s the case, either:
A) your life is perfect and doesn’t need to change
B) you might have forgotten how to dream
My picture would look a little something like this…
I’m a wife, and bonus(step) mom. I am a published, world renowned author. I am financially stable and don’t have to worry about living paycheck to paycheck. We travel frequently for pleasure, but also we travel to spread kindness and love around the world. It may sound cheesy, or like I have hippie tendencies, but this is my dream. In my future we have time to spend a whole day just being silly with the kids, and we do this right smack dab in the middle of the week, not being forced to wait until the weekend. If there is a field trip at school, I have the freedom to go. I don’t have to miss out on everything. I see us succeeding in this new company, not by some magic strike it rich coincidence, but because we are desperate to reach our dreams. I see myself standing on a stage in front of thousands of people, who for whatever reason are searching for something more. I see myself sharing the fire in my heart with them. I would tell them that fire didn’t come from money, or possessions. It came from grace. It came from deep inside a shattered heart, when there was only a sliver of light left. You see the thing about light is, it only takes a tiny bit to chase away the darkness in life. I see our family as being a bright spot for others, helping where we are needed without thinking twice about things like:
“If I give the homeless man twenty dollars, I can’t buy lunch today.”
“Ten dollars in gas will leave enough money in the bank to buy milk for breakfast.”
“I hope my car doesn’t break down, because we can’t afford the extra expense of having to repair/replace it.”
“What if I lose my job?”
At what point did we allow these phrases to become the norm? We laugh when our pastor, or a friend, encourages us to use positive affirmations, because it makes us uncomfortable to repeat positive phrases. Yet, every single day we repeat these negative affirmations of being broke, scared, lonely, anxiety filled, strugglers. Which leads me to, my reason why.
Remember the definition of why from above. What is my purpose? There are people who live their whole life, and do not strive toward their purpose. For me that purpose is multi-faceted. For whatever reason, I was drawn into the lives of Hailey and Camden. I had pretty much resigned myself to never being a parent. Years back after the loss of a baby, I was too scared to try again. Now I have the two of them, and I get the privilege of loving them with a mother’s heart. Watching them grow and learn, while loving them unconditionally is my number one reason why. I want to teach them how to truly live. I want them to learn how to strive for success for the right reasons. Not because I want an 8 bedroom house on the beach, to drive a fancy car and eat caviar every night, but simply to live a kind life and use my gain to lift up those around us. I want to make the world around me a better place, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to reach that goal.
Of course, I want to drive a nice car, live at the beach, and wear pretty shoes. Those things are not the force that propel me in the direction of my future.
You want to know what drives me? The man who fell asleep on the couch next to me at 7:45 PM, because he was worn out from coaching his daughters softball team. The excitement on the kids faces when I tell them we are going to do something fun. Wanderlust. A desire to see every single, beautiful inch of the world we live in. Happiness. The way that Frankie can make me laugh even when I want to hit him.
“Smile at each other. Smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other – it doesn’t matter who it is – and that will help to grow up in greater love for each other.” -Mother Teresa
We have been struggling financially for a bit, but he always manages to keep a positive attitude. Today we were talking about the reason why we want to succeed, and he said, ” I want to not have to worry about money, or when I will have the next chance to earn a paycheck. It keeps me awake at night worrying.” (Looks like that makes two of us)
Of course you know I just HAD to “poke the bear” so I said, “that can’t be the only reason. Everyone says that!”
His response, “I want to give my kids everything. Not in a way that they are spoiled rotten, but I want them to have a good life.”
Sitting here, next to him while he snores away in his recliner, I know that we are giving them the best life we possibly can right now. Our house is filled with laughter and love. Hopefully they learn from watching us how to be happy in any situation, but that it’s okay to strive for something more. It’s easy to put off the hustle for another day. It would be a piece of cake to dwell on a hurtful past. As for me, I refuse to let fear keep me from doing one single thing that I dream of. If I don’t reach the dream, I have no one to blame but myself. There will be people along the way who will push you to smash your goals. There will also be those who mock, or doubt that you will ever amount to anything. Those people, are not your people. Don’t let them deter you from your dream, instead encourage them to reach for theirs.
So when you wake up tomorrow, what steps will you take to change the thing that is holding you back? Will you make excuses? Or will you stand up and take action? Don’t let the Negative Nancy’s of the world derail your train. Seek God, work hard, pray fervently, have joy right where you are, and RUN passionately toward your dreams my friends! Find something exciting that lights a fire in your soul, and GO! DO THAT!