“You don’t love someone for their looks, clothes, or fancy car, but because they sing a song that only you can hear.” -Oscar Wilde

A few months back my husband came home from work asking, “How do you know when you love someone?”  My first thought was we have been married for how many years, and this man wants to know how can he be sure it is love.  Just let me stop right there and say I do not doubt his love for me, and I don’t think that’s what he was doing either.


He was just pondering how you know when it’s real, and not just some kind of infatuation.  I mean there are people every day who claim they fall in or out of love.  It certainly wouldn’t hurt us to spend more time pondering what love means to us, and how to give it freely without expectation.

” You say that you love rain,
but you open your umbrella when it rains…
You say that you love the sun,
but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines…
You say that you love the wind,
But you close your windows when wind blows…
This is why I am afraid,
You say that you love me too…”  -Unknown

I came up with the bright idea to ask some of my friends what their take on love was, so here it is in their words.

1.  Me: For a blog that I’m working on, what is your definition of LOVE?

A: Well, what type of love?
 (Of course she couldn’t make it easy for me!  Right off the bat she has to question it!)
Me: How do you know when you love someone?
A: As a friend, family, spouse? There are different kinds.
(Seriously??? By now I am thinking ENOUGH with the different kinds already!  Just answer my dang question.)
A: Are you wanting a technical definition or my personal definition? Maybe I’m over thinking this.
(For sure she was over thinking and maybe driving me a little crazy)

Me: your personal definition… How do you know you love someone?

A: Love is the defeat of materialism and the victory of selflessness. It can’t be adequately described.

Ok so she had all valid points, but I felt like she answered my question with a bunch of questions!  Did anyone else get this?  Let’s just move on to the next one for now.

2. Me: what is your definition of love?
S: Love is patient, Love is kind
Me: (I am thinking to myself here we go again…  won’t someone just answer my question?) So I ask, “In your own words please?”
S:I honestly wholeheartedly ask myself if I am feeling the things listed in the scripture.  So for me when I can affirm that I LOVE someone, I must be willing to do for them all of the things listed above.  Love for me is looking at someone with appreciation, looking past their faults, and knowing that I could not see my life with out them.  I do think there are different levels and types of love, but regardless when love is real and true it is unconditional.  You hurt when they hurt.  You rejoice when they rejoice.  Their happiness means more to you than your own.  I honestly reflect on that scripture to define my love.
3. Me:  What does love mean to you?
C: I believe love is when you care about, are loyal to, and are committed to another person. I think the way you know you love someone is all of these feelings are overpowering and all-consuming and constant. I also think there are different levels of love. It starts with infatuation and if it’s real, it grows stronger as time goes by.
I think maybe I heard the Hallelujah choir on this one!!!  She answered my question without trying to confuse me!
Let me stop here and say there was a number four, but my questions stressed her out a little too much.  Sorry friend.  I know for a fact that you know what love is.  I’ve seen it in the way you live your life and how you treat others.

I actually agree with all of the ladies above, and their answers to my questions.  If you know me at all, then you can be certain I have to give my own opinion on the matter.

What greater love than the love of God.


Some will disagree.  Some will mock.  That’s ok.  It is not my place to judge the decisions of others, but I hope you will keep an open heart and considering mind.

Yes, I believe there are different types of love.  I wish I could say that I always exhibit the qualities in 1 Corinthians.  Do I?  Probably not!  Love will show in how you treat people.  It will for sure be noticeable in how you speak of them when they are not around.

For me it’s not about looking at others and pointing out what they are doing wrong.  It is looking at myself and seeing what I’m doing wrong and working to change for the better every single day.  I believe we fall in love, but every day we chose whether or not to stay in love.  We do this not by speaking those three little words, but in the way we live our lives.  Do we choose to look past the faults of those in our lives, and see the good they are capable of?   Maybe we give kindness where none has been received.  Love is not always about how we feel.  Say what?  Love is not a feeling?  Could it be that love becomes true when we look at it as a choice?  Every single day I will wake and do things that I do NOT want to do (like laundry, I think it’s safe to say that I do not love laundry) to better the lives of those around me.  I am committed, in the words of one of my friends, to show love and kindness to those I choose to call mine.


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