Dear Future Husband…

Today is the day for love!  Wait…  Whaaaat???  Let me back up and rephrase that…

Everyday is a day for love!  Ever stop and think about what makes this day, out of all the days in the year so special.  Really? Nothing!  It’s just another day.  What you do with it, is what makes one day, hour, or minute stand out from another.  When you haven’t received the kind of love you desire for so long, it can be easy to shut down and stop giving love.

 

“Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy.  Even love unreturned has it’s rainbow.”  -J.M. Barrie

 

Whether it be a best friend, boyfriend, husband, or sibling, find the one that encourages, embraces, and makes you laugh.  Pick someone who totally gets the madness that you are made of, and matches you step for crazy step! I’m blessed to have a lot of these people in my life! In fact, they’re like a weird little tribe.  I was sitting here thinking, it’s not always about having someone of the opposite sex around to say “I love you.”  I can remember being in Florida in October.  I pretty much just ran away to my “safe haven” which just so happens to be one of my best friends houses.  I purchased a one way ticket, because I couldn’t handle the situation I found myself in any longer.  One night their four year old insisted she sleep with me.  We had lain in bed for a while and I thought she was out, when all of a sudden I feel a little kiss on my cheek.  Then she whispered quietly, “I love you.”  I HAVE NEVER CRIED SO HARD IN MY LIFE.  If I had to make a list of the most important moments in my life, this would be right at the top.  I remember thinking, “oh it’s been so long since someone’s told me they love me.”  I will never forget that day when love found me for the first time again.  It wasn’t the kind of love I expected, but that’s the best kind.

luov

As much as I want to have a person to build a love filled life with, I am figuring out that real lasting love takes work.  While writing today, I’m taken back to last year when my husband approached me with a question.  He asked, “How do you know you love someone?”  I spent days talking to friends about this subject, and even more researching, soul searching, and putting together a blog just for him.  They say hindsight is 20/20, so I guess I should have seen the warning signs at this point.  The also say love is blind…

blind

I’m here to tell you love does not have to be blind.  Yes, when you truly love someone you see all their faults, but love them anyway.  Love is hard work!  It has to be nurtured, and taken care of.  If only one person puts forth the effort, things will eventually fall apart.  It really sucks when it falls apart! When the red sparkly dust that used to be your heart clears up and you realize that there’s still something left in the hollow cavity of your chest, you might think, “what now?”  Trust me, you will be scared! You’ll think love is not worth the risk. Even though the pain you’ve received may have, at times, seemed greater than the love you’ve given, I believe the love made a difference.  I may never understand why love is occasionally unrequited, but I know that love given is never wasted.  It may go unnoticed or unappreciated, but give it anyway. When you love without expectation, disappointment can’t strike you off guard.

lov1

 

A big question I personally struggle with is, “what if I fall in love, and he changes his mind?” After all it happened once…

Well, that’s where you have to decide whether to stay stuck and bitter, or to let love win.  You have to learn how to trust all over again.  When you finally come back to yourself, you know that somehow next time will be different.  I will of course be all in when the time comes, because I don’t know any other way to love.  I CANNOT love in halves.  It’s all or nothing for me.

jane

 

When the fear of being hurt strikes, I will remember what I’ve been through and know that I will soldier through whatever comes.  I will spend myself in love any chance I get, just to lift you up.  I will reach out and share my heart when yours is too broken to work.  I will give you my last bite of food when you’re hungry.  I will listen, pray, help or hold you whenever you need me. I tend to be a fixer. If I see you hurting, I will do everything in my power to make it better, even if that means taking your hurts upon myself. I’m loyal to a fault. The biggest desire of my heart is to be a light in a dark world. I will do random acts of kindness, probably on a daily basis. When I see something that needs doing, I do it. I will stand beside you through thick and thin. I will FIGHT for you, until there’s no fight left in me. Most times I try to act tough, but really I’m a big softie. Sickness, hatred, and soldiers make me cry.(There’s just something about someone who doesn’t know me, being willing to fight for me that hits me right in the feels) If I’m feeling or thinking something, you will know. I don’t hide things. I’m one of the most honest people you will ever meet. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

heart1

When you come along, there is one thing I ask.  Please, be gentle with this heart of mine?  Keep in mind what it’s been through.  It will sometimes need a soft place to land when it has been stomped on by the world. I pray that you will never be the one to step on my heart.  Use caution when claiming it.  Once it is yours, it is not easily cast aside.  I’ve been covering you with prayer, even before I knew you.  I will continue even if you break me.  Just…  Please…  don’t break me…

broke

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