I received a wonderful message from a friend today. It is one of many I’ve gotten in the past year. They always seem to come at just the right time.
Here is a little bit of what she had to say, “I have to tell you, I am so proud of you, even through your darkest times you give others strength and inspiration. In the last year I’ve seen divorce tear so many people up. I don’t think it has been any easier for you, but the path you have chosen has filled my heart with joy.”
Instances like this always seem to take me by surprise. I never feel like I’m doing anything right. Perhaps it’s because I just am who I am, I don’t spend time trying to impress others or be something I’m not. I never think twice about expressing my feelings, or helping someone in any way I can. It just comes naturally. I’ve said a thousand times how I’m my own worst critic, I think we all are. I can tell you this though, I will never intentionally hurt anyone. Now I’m not saying I don’t mess up, or do and say the wrong things 90% of the time. When I do, I’m very quick to apologize. If there’s a way to make things better for someone else, I will try my best to make it happen.
How exactly does one respond when a friend has such kind words to say? Well, if you know me at all, then you know I always have words! At times it’s like words flow like a river from the very heart of me, with a specific world changing purpose! That’s right! Imperfect as I am, I, just like Martin Luther, have a dream! I want to change the world one sentence, smile, and random(or not so random because I’m a planner) act of kindness at a time!
Here’s the words I had for sweet Cyndi(with a few extra added in for Y’all)
I absolutely love hearing that people see me and “get” who I am working to be… There are days when it feels like I am doing nothing, and going absolutely nowhere. I refuse to let divorce tear me apart anymore. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. I did nothing to cause it , and I’m the one dealing with all the paperwork and separating of things.
Yesterday I found myself thinking…
“I just need to let it go. I don’t want this situation to change me for the worse. I almost lost who I am because of this. I don’t need his reasoning as to why he did what he did. I don’t need to know who initiated, or what’s so wrong with me. I need none of that anymore. In fact I don’t even need someone to love me like a husband loves his wife. I’ve come to realize, things I thought were needs are not. There were things I thought I couldn’t live without, but look at me over here living life. Of course I want someone to love me, but I can survive and even thrive, if and until that happens.
” Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
The only thing I NEED is God. I’m just going to work hard, play hard, and love even harder! Going through, I never imagined I would get to this point, but I thank God that I have a chance at a whole new life with limitless possibilities. I could continue to look at it like I’m losing everything,(for a long time I did) but I choose to see that I’m gaining a chance to lead an amazing, adventure filled life! Honestly I am so excited!!!”
The best advice I can offer anyone, is don’t sit around waiting for the big thing to happen, because you will miss out. Real living is found in the little things anyway, like sweet morning kiss or a secret smile with the one you love. Now if it’s big things you want, go get them! They don’t always come to you… Sometimes it’s in the chase that you find just what it is you’re looking for.(or what you didn’t know you were looking for) What’s my big thing? I never have cared much about money or material things.
Those things are just, well, things. My heart is for people. I want to enhance the lives of every single person I know, and all the ones I don’t know too. I have no idea how to change the world, but I am determined to try! At the end of my life I want to look back and know that I gave it my all EVERY SINGLE DAY! The most valuable thing I have to give is love. To quote one of my favorite songs, “I’ll spend myself till I’m empty and poor.” In the emptying out of myself, I find God there restocking the shelves of my heart from day to day with the exact kind of love I will need to give to someone else. I’m going to chase after the hurting in this world, all the while dispensing love like a gumball machine dishes out brightly colored gumballs. I trust God to add the big(and little) things to my life as he sees fit.
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”