I had a good friend ask me the other day, “How do you let someone you truly love go?” I really don’t feel qualified to answer that question, but since I’m a glutton for punishment, I’ll give it a shot anyway. I’m not sure why she thought, that I, of all people could help. For whatever reason, she asked me my take on this. Hope this blog doesn’t let you down my friend!
As usual, I’ll start with a little of what I’m dealing with at the moment…
I went to sleep the other night thinking about a friend who has, for whatever reason, decided to let our friendship slide to the back burner. Every single time I think of this person, I cry because our friendship is very important to me. Am I being overdramatic and imagining things? I really hope so…
The problem is, I’m the type of person who always goes out of my way to make others happy. More often than not, the courtesy is not returned. Before y’all get upset with me, I’m not saying that no one ever does anything for me, because there are plenty of friends and family who do. I’m just saying, I’m starting to see more clearly when people don’t have time for me in their lives. After fighting for a marriage and pretty much begging like a fool, for my ex-husband to simply try to find a reason that I was worth it, I learned that even I have a limit.
Whether it be family, friends, or significant other, I will never beg someone to love me again. It’s no fun, letting go of someone who means(or meant) so much to me, but I can’t dwell on hurtful situations, and neither should you. I will always do my best to forgive hurtful words and then when there is no other choice, move on. If this person is meant to stay, then they will stay.
As you can see I went to bed that night with a whole lot on my mind, and quite a bit of hurt in my heart.
This morning I dreamt of flowers. I stepped out the front door of my granny Eckhoff’s house and there were gorgeous blue flowers everywhere. I heard my mother say, “they are beautiful lilies!”
In the dream I responded adamantly, “No they aren’t lilies, they are irises!” Upon closer inspection I realized it was a mixture of both kinds of flower. I was walking around the yard thinking how wonderful they were, when I woke up from the dream. I literally couldn’t get that dream out of my head, until I finally googled what the symbolic meaning of those flowers were. I don’t put a whole lot of stock in these things, but here’s what I learned from my search.
The word iridescence is derived from Iris. The definition of iridescence is basically a rainbow. Iris represents transformation. The Iris has 3 true petals called standards. The petals were often times referred to as a trinity.
A divine bridge between heaven and earth, represents spiritual intuition, messenger of the divine, trinity in connection…
Dreaming of irises could be referring to your role as a peacemaker, or the need for you to make peace with someone.
Dreams of lilies can mean you are about to experience a return of innocence, specifically in the instance of a waking life ordeal in which you feel like your innocence has been broken.
The lily can mean, the dreamer has faced a trial and has been vindicated with the soul remaining whole and intact.
I normally wouldn’t even mention my google results, but they seemed kind of fitting for the past year and all that I have endured. I don’t expect apologies, or vindication EVER. I had to move on and leave a lot of things behind that I thought I couldn’t live without. It sucked, but I’m still here.
The thing about walking away from someone you love is this, it will be the hardest thing ever. If you’re feeling like it’s something you need to do, I suggest examining your reasons. Why do you feel the way you are feeling? Are there legitimate issues? Is this something that you are both willing to work together to make right? Could it change? Is it just a matter of sitting down and talking to the other person? Are they willing to grow and change along side you?
If you are married, my advice is do whatever it takes to save it, if it’s even a remote possibility. If you are adult enough to be in a relationship with another person, then BE an adult. It’s ok to be scared, but the number one thing is communication. Talk about things that bother you, make you happy, and what you want for your future. If those things are totally different, either come to a compromise(happy medium really is a thing) or move on.
I don’t believe love is something you should have to seek out. I think the ones we are meant to love will come into our lives at just the right time. Some of them will be temporary, but others will be for life. Honestly we have no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring, and who will choose us. Before just throwing in the towel, try being honest and talking to the one’s you love. Relationships are like investments. You can choose to play it safe and keep your heart guarded and whole, OR… you can lay yourself bare, I’m talking wide open and love like tomorrow isn’t coming. Say what you mean, spread kindness, be honest, and loyal. Give more love than you receive, even when it hurts. Understand that not everyone is “for you” who you think loves you may change more than once in your life. Then one day someone will come along, and you’ll just know. You won’t have to question if they are your person. They will breeze into your life and steal your breath away with a smile.
Maybe it comes with age, but sooner or later, you will learn to trust your intuition. When you feel your heart leading you, listen. If it’s telling you to let it go, pray about it, and let it go. Once before I had a similar situation with a friend who, “just didn’t have time for me.” It was hard, but I let it fall. It had been a few years, and through everything that’s gone on in my life, this friend reached out. All of a sudden, she was apologizing to me, and saying how she missed our friendship. So, you see, occasionally love makes a circle and people come back. Other times love is more like a messed up maze that you have to find your way in. Sometimes people were never meant to stay, or be a permanent fixture in our lives. You can’t go backwards in a maze! There are many dead ends. There are places where you see clearly which way you need to go, but other times you just have to trust yourself to find the path. Push through and keep moving forward.
My sweet friend, earlier I said I wasn’t sure, but I know why you asked me the question from the beginning of the blog. You saw how much I fought to save a marriage. You saw how when not many people had hope, I somehow found a reason to see possibility. You saw the marriage fail despite my fight, and hopefully you see that I am still standing. The marriage failed for many reasons, one of which was there was only one person interested in putting in the work to save it. It’s supposed to be promises made by two people. Promises are meant to be kept, but not everyone is a promise keeper. Dealing with the aftermath of a broken promise is not easy, or fun. They say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’m living proof of that. You see that I’m living a life that I never would have thought for myself. Many don’t agree with my choices, but my life is not for them to live. I’m trying my best to be a light, but the problem is… people think I have to be perfect to shine. If I wait until perfection comes, then all my years will be wasted.
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
I suppose what I’m trying to say is, don’t save life for tomorrow. Don’t be afraid to fight for what you feel is your true love. Just remember, if they aren’t fighting beside you for the same things, they might be fighting against you. Trust that you will know when the time comes to truly let go. Remember, you can’t control other peoples actions, but you can control your own. Be who you say you are. Know that there are people out there who are for you, no matter what. Find those people and hold tight!