Many times things happen in life that are way beyond our control. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. I realized just the other day that the only thing I have that is truly mine, is my vehicle. At one point, I thought I had it all. I had a nice house, four cars, a motorcycle, pretty much what I thought one would consider the American Dream. In what seemed like the snap of a finger, all of it dissolved. During the process, I learned quite a bit about life. I learned that none of that “stuff” matters to me at all. I recognize value in a smile and kind words, way more than an expensive gift. I know how much a good friend is worth.(priceless) I spent so long feeling alone and out of place. I wondered if I would ever find someone who would see worth in me. Then I realized no one ever will until I see the worth in myself.
So now we’re 6 months into this thing… 6months!!! What’s the big deal with six months you might ask? Today marks the six month anniversary of the day I met him. If you know me at all, you undoubtedly know who “he” is. Just in case you’re new here let me tell you a little about him. He will go out of his way to make me laugh. He has a kind heart that often catches me by surprise. When I least expect it, he shows a little seriousness… but I never really expect it, because he’s a full time comedian.
On the very first night that we met, he brought me ring pops. The second night he asked, “where do you see this going?” When my reply was, “well I don’t want to date anyone else…” He got a big smile on his face and said “yesss!!!”
I didn’t say it then, but really… He had me at the ring pop!(or the infamous selfie) Well, and the way he helped me put in my earrings that first night. He handled the emotions, and anxiety like a boss.
Then there was the day I moved the last items that belonged to me out of my home of more than 15 years. He stood with me in the middle of the empty bedroom and prayed. All those months I prayed in that bedroom alone and crying, I begged God to send someone to stand and willingly pray with me.
The day that I cried all the way to Arnold because all of my belongings were crammed into a tiny box trailer, he reminded me that it was ok to feel that way. I remember him looking me in the eyes when I would wake up from a dead sleep shaken and crying, he would say, “all that stuff that’s making you shake.. That’s the past. Look at me, I’m going to be your future.”
Here’s the thing Y’all, I promised myself I’d never romanticize too much again, but He makes it hard not to just go all goo goo eyed sometimes. It’s just, I refuse to not speak up this time around when I need something out of a relationship. I did that for way too long. When you love someone it’s easy to let the way they treat you slide, and I never really knew how to stand up for myself. He’s teaching me. He reminds me that I’m smart, when I worry about failure. He is teaching me that it’s ok to have disagreements. I keep telling myself that just because we occasionally argue doesn’t mean he will walk away. (I hope) I know you can’t force someone to love or choose you. Who would want to? Not this girl. I guess what I would ask is that we practice honesty, and loyalty. Instead of assuming the other person knows what they mean to us, let’s tell each other.
If you get a chance to lift my spirits… Please take it. I’m the type of girl who will wait on you hand and foot without asking for it to be returned, but please make sure it’s appreciated. No one wants to walk around feeling like the one they love doesn’t care. So make an effort to let your “other half” know that you see all they do for you. Let them know you think they are pretty\handsome. In my experience, when communication fails, so do relationships. I promise to always go out of my way to make you know how special you are to me. I hope that you will do the same. When your upset or sad, I want to be the first one you call. Even at your worst, I still choose you! I know I have a lot of Anxiety issues, I only hope that doesn’t make you stop choosing me. After six months the answer to the question you asked on that first night is still the same. I don’t want to date anyone else… I don’t know where this is going, or even where I am going on most days. I just hope most of my time from here on out is spent with you!